I am choosing to start an online blog because most of my family is long distance and I realize that keeping in touch with them and having them be able to keep track of my transition without it would be fairly complicated. This way I can update regularly and if they want to know how I'm doing and where I am in my process, all they have to do is sign in. I will be updating as frequently as possible and adding videos as well so that everyone can see where I'm at. I realize that some changes are going to come fairly quickly and this can be scary and confusing for some of you, I would like to send out and open invitation to any and all of my friends and family that I am here to answer any question and/or concern or if anyone just wants to touch base and have I chat. Feel free to contact me anytime. ANYTIME!


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

And so it begins...

This is my first entry of many on my long but neccesary path towards becoming my true self. I have chosen to no longer live in the dark with my feelings of dysphoria but to be honest with the world and start my journey to align my heart, mind and body. I am going to be getting my first dose of hormone therapy on one week from today and I'm equally excited, anxious and scared. Everything is happening really fast and I would be thrilled if I were the only one I had to worry about. Unfortunately, and I think that this is probably true in most cases of transition, the majority of my struggle comes from helping others along. What I mean by that is that I know that this is what I want and I have made this neccesary life choice for myself after learning about it and questioning it on my own for many years, now I must spend time convincing everyone around me that I know myself well enough to make this decision. I have to figure out the most painless way of carrying my friends and family through this transition. Some people may wonder why I have put so much effort into this aspect of it, why don't you just worry about yourself and do what you know you have to do and then everyone else can catch up later it they really love you. At first I thought that I would go that route but then I realized that all the people in my life are there because I love them, if they don't know that I'm struggling with being transgender then it's my fault for not letting them into my life enough and never showing them who I truly am. For the most part I did this to protect those people whom I either felt couldn't handle that kind of information or those whom I though I would lose from my life, but now I must let everyone know me the way I know myself and I must walk them through it however slowly they need to walk so that when they are ready to come around they can be back in my life and know me better than ever. And so, I spend hours writing letters to my family, trying to string words together that are easy to digest hoping that in the end unconditional love and care rings true in my instance. All I can do now is wait and hope that after the storm has calmed the sun will come out and I will not stand alone. Support is what will keep me going.
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